Good Good Father

I didn’t think I would have a hard time adjusting in a new country as a seasoned traveler. I’ve lived abroad in college, so this wasn’t my first time living in a different country.  My first month was filled with excitement and adventure, however I’m now dealing with culture shock. The novelty of living in a new country has worn itself out and I often find myself irritable and upset.  

I’ve been in denial and didn’t want to admit I was struggling and I was spiraling fast. I didn’t want God to think I was ungrateful. Afterall, I prayed for this. God heard my prayer and blessed me. What if He hears me grumbling and decides not to answer my prayers in the future? What if this is a test and I failed miserably. Yes, I actually had these thoughts.

God is a good Father. He isn’t going to punish me for having these thoughts. He sets me up to succeed not to fail. He was waiting for me to tell Him everything. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18, NIV) I’ve broken down in tears these last few weeks. I felt like a failure with a big “L” on my forehead, but I was reminded of His words, “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” (Song of Songs 4:7, NIV)

I’ve been dealing with someone with a very challenging personality. She’s tried her very best to make me uncomfortable and unwelcomed not only with her choice of words but also making sure the room is as warm as possible. It’s not easy to love someone who wants to cause you harm. How did Jesus love those who harmed him? He forgave and prayed for them. I found my heart resisting to forgive and pray for her. God commands us to forgive others as He forgave me. I can’t hide my thoughts from Him. God knows every thought I have so I prayed and asked Him to help me with my heart towards this person. Is it hard? Yes, it’s incredibly hard and not easy to do, but obedience is necessary for growth.

Some people can’t stand the light illuminating in you. They can’t understand how you can still smile after all they’ve done. They can’t comprehend why you haven’t reacted to their foolishness. Don’t let others dim your light. In challenging circumstances, you must be careful to not let the enemy steal your joy, peace, and thought life. I had to preach myself multiple sermons and meditate on who God says I am. I belong to Him, the Most High God. I’m His masterpiece. He knows every single strand of hair on my head. I don’t have to do anything. They messed with the wrong person. My Dad has the final word and He’ll avenge me.  

I’m going to keep exploring with my Father and see the beauty of this country. He has so much more for me to see and I can’t wait to travel to every corner of the world to His creations. “When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?” (Psalm 8:3-4, NIV)